Sales, money, success - we take ourselves very serious sometimes, and I'd be the first to admit that I take myself too serious. In the past year I've - finally - learned that I get stuck if I try to make people belief that I'm perfect. In fact, I started to believe this myself.
This doesn't work, got myself fooled, but what's worse: it puts people off, at the expense of your relationship with them. This is not a third person novel; the reality is that I've put people off at the expense of my relationship with them. And I'm sorry, it shouldn't have been that way.
Fact is, I just hadn't figured it out, and now I wish I had sooner than I did. It's been so much better since. I am learning a great deal about humbleness, and I was lucky enough to get great perspective offered to me by an unbelievably experienced man and one of the best mentors I've met to date - Chuck Sheldon. Thank you Chuck - if you ever read this - for putting your trust in me. I will not let you down. I am just a lucky man that works hard, and hope to be of help to others when I'm ready.
Now what's next in my phase of falling and running at the same time is that I need to figure out how to be me with all the flaws I have, but also with what I hope I can bring to others.
The truth is, there's something to learn from every person you meet, you may just have to look harder sometimes and go beyond the obvious. Be open, learn, don't judge, and most of all: be true to your dearest by valueing the relationships you've built over time; pay your dues - put in the energy people deserve. Isn't this what we're all about?
Below is a post written by my favorite artist John Mayer. He's famous, has the money, is dating Jennifer Aniston, and yet seems to be real about the world and his role. He's thirty some years old and I think he saw the light much sooner than I did - I am not worthy. Thank you for these words JM - I wanted to share them with anyone reading this blog. Your message is understood.
POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 09:58 AM FROM JAPAN
I need to write this.
I've been traveling alone in Japan for the better part of three weeks now, and it's been so remarkable an experience for me that I can't book a ticket home yet. I haven't spoken very much out loud these days, but I've been thinking to myself in what feels like surround sound.
I can see so many things clearly, and feel so connected to myself and the world around me that I need to share the perspective with you.I'm already aware that when I sing, say or write anything, 50 percent of the response will be in support of it and the other 50 will want to discount it.
This blog, though, is directed to 100 percent of people reading it. If my blog truly does have any cultural effect, then it should be used for more than just pictures of sneakers and funny youtube videos. (If you don't think my blog has any effect, than you can't by definition be reading this right now and therefore don't have to respond to it in any way. Isn't that tidy?)
What I'm about to write isn't about fame or success or celebrity or the media.
That's my business.
This is about us all. This is about a level of self consciousness so high in my generation, that it's actually toxic. This is about the girl in her bedroom who poses in front of the camera she's awkwardly holding in her outstretched hand. She'll take a hundred photos until coming up with one she's happy with, which inevitably looks nothing like her, and after she's done poring over images of herself, will post one on her myspace page and then write something like " I don't give a f*ck what you think about me."
This is about the person trying out for American Idol, who while going off about how confident they are that they were born ready to sing in front of the world, are trembling so badly they can hardly breathe.
This is about me, the guy who walks through a throng of photographers into a restaurant like he's Paul Newman, but who leaves a "reject" pile of clothes in his closet so high that his cleaning lady can't figure out how one man can step into so many pairs of pants in a week.
This is about us all. Every one of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it's incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost.
For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right.
And I don't want to act immune to that anymore. I took the biggest detour from myself over the past year, since I decided that I wasn't going to care about what people thought about me. I got to the point where I had so much padding on that, sure, I couldn't feel the negativity, but that's because I couldn't feel much of anything.
And I think I'm done with that.
I'm not the first person to admit we're all self conscious, Kanye was.
But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we're all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.
And really? Really? It turns out we're just not all that special, when you break it down. Beautifully unspectacular, actually. And that truth is going to catch up with us whether we want to run from it or not.
The paparazzo following me to the gym ain't gonna be Herb Ritts and the guy he's following ain't gonna be Bob Dylan. It's just a matter of how old you are once you embrace that fact. And for me, 30 sounds about right.
What now, then? I can only really say for myself: Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities. Stop acting careless. In fact, care more. Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts. Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art. Wear hoodies to dinner. Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.
Root for others.
Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.
Act nervous when I'm nervous, puzzled when I don't know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.
And when it's all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you. I'm going quiet now.